The life I have / the life I want

I am so excited I just can not contain myself. All I think about is my upcoming trip. Even at night I just sleep thinking, planning and imagining how it's all going to play out.

It's now official: I have resigned from my job. It was such a relief after five years of being confined in an office, behind my computer. It feels like I am setting myself free. I have enjoyed being a graphic designer and am sure I will always design. But for now I want to experience other sides of life.

I want to explore, I want to learn and I want to teach the wonderful truths God has blessed me with. I want to breathe the air of other places and try out different things to survive. I want to watch the sunset in Mozambique, Malawi and wherever else my journey will take me.

I honestly think there is more to life than just sitting in my office corner, designing magazine after magazine full of things I do not even agree with, in an environment that I used to love, but do not like so much any more. Earning money, paying bills and then struggling to get by till the following month. Having a very easy and simple job, but always living in fear of when your boss will just lash out at you.

I do not want that any more. I want a simple life, where I can just live out of my back pack. Where I will not be worrying about buying more things for my flat, earning more and more and spending more and more.

So as I have said before I gave my landlord notice that I will be moving out end of this month, I have told my dad about my plans, and now it's all starting to feel very real. It is finally happening and I am still just as excited as when I got the idea to do this first time around.

I have been busy going sorting out all the things that I still need to sort out before I can go, but most of my plans for the coming months are still vague. I have lots of ideas, but I have not fine-tuned every detail, and I doubt I will have done so on the day I leave. Everything is still open.

Am I not scared? Yes, I am very scared. But I have no doubt in my mind that I must do this, regardless of how it will turn out. I have promised myself never to regret this decision. I have wanted this for so long and now the opportunity has finally come.

Of course I worry about what will happen. What if all my plans will not work out? What if all my things get stolen? What if something bad happens? I have played all kinds of scenarios in my head. But still... I just want to go. I am still young. I have no husband or children to care for yet, so I guess this is just the perfect time. And if I do not do this now, I will just have to live with with no answers. I don't want to live my life just asking: what if...? I hope my journey will answer my question whether there is really more to life. Just stay tuned to find out...

Right now I am trying to figure which route I should take from here. I will be going to Zambia first. Through Namibia? Zimbabwe? Botswana? I'm not sure yet. But I will keep you posted about what I decide.

Please say a prayer for me as I plan and prepare further for this journey. That the Lord will teach me and reform me and that this journey will help me attain a character that is good, pure and noble. I have been praying about it a lot. And no matter how much I worry, it's just awesome and reassuring to know that no matter what may happen, God will be with me. Every step of the way.